THE DISEASE OF DOUBT

Basic human needs: food, clothing, shelter……… praise and reassurance??? My dear perceptive reader, I have wondered more than once what it is about the human psyche that makes most of us inherently insecure; so much so that we need the approval of others??

I understand the Darwinian concepts of ‘acceptance of the herd’ and all those other old, dried out clichés about man being a social animal that people seem so fond of perpetrating, but some part of me has always viewed this almost puppy-like seeking of society’s approval as, frankly, childish. All it accomplishes, I fear, is to expose ones inherent insecurity, fear, self-doubt and vulnerability. And, surely, it can’t be a good idea to display your weaknesses for all to see, can it?

As far as I can see, this trait of our species takes on two forms. Firstly, there is the need for emotional reassurance. I have lost count of the number of articles I have read in various newspapers or Readers Digest and similar magazines which essentially say, open up to your loved ones; tell them how much you care. While a certain part of me can see the logic the author(s) of these articles are trying to put forth, another, much more dominant part of me, dismisses it outright. I am, by nature, an intensely private person, so much so, it is actually an colossal effort for me to truly open up, as you, my perceptive reader, have no doubt already figured out from the fumbling nature of this post. All that said and done, I find that I am at total peace with myself. I know my exact position in the lives of those around myself, and am content. I suffer no illusions about my importance in the life of others, nor do I, on the other hand, consider myself to be unimportant. (And no, no matter what you think, this is not a form of narcissism)

Surprisingly for me, a vast majority of the human race has still to come to terms with themselves in this respect as I have myself done. Trouble is, I expect others around me to have the same degree of self-possession I do, and therefore run into conflict many times with friends and family, who keep trying to get me to ‘open up’, as they put it, to let them know what they mean to me. For all their efforts, they might as well try to coax a Harley into climbing a tree by it own. My opinion is, if you do not already know, or if you still have doubts, nothing I can ever say will erase them, will it? (Of course, this opinion of mine might well be influenced by my own private nature, of which I have already made mention) Not needing any praise or reassurances myself, I am, I believe, understandably reluctant to dole them out either.

The second, and to me, even more surprising form this insecurity takes, is professional. Emotional insecurity, if not justifiable, is at the least understandable. Emotions are not exactly the most scrutable of things, I grant you that much. But your work?? Clearly, there are objective standards to which what you do, whatever you do, must live up to! Do other’s personal opinions really matter?? Do you not just KNOW, for yourselves, how good or bad your work is? Surely, surely, you are the best of yourself!! Again, I find a vast majority of the human population look to others for approval. (Also again, thus far, I, thankfully, seem immune to this malaise)

Frankly, this worries me! Somehow I have this gut feeling that this constant human vulnerability compromises the productivity of our lives. Of course, I may be wrong. It may well be, that what I portray as a malaise may indeed be the norm, and it is I who am the diseased one, the odd one out! Yet, somehow, I do not think so. But I am, I believe, wise enough to realize that my intuition might be a consequence of the very nature I describe above. Am I deluding myself? My dear, perceptive reader, I would appreciate your views on the matter.

*(Before you should comment on the matter, as I have no doubt you will, I acknowledge that my last paragraph seems a lot like the very problem of insecurity I consider myself immune to. The thing is, the mind is indeed a complex object, very often inscrutable. The borders between intellectual curiosity and insecurity are too fuzzy to be put down into words. I believe myself to be on the right side of that border. You, my perceptive reader, are, of course, very welcome to your own opinion)